On the Defenestration of Watermelons [The Art]

When in your life it becomes necessary, I have fabricated a new trend titled frankly as "Watermelon Defenestration". Surprisingly enough, I've created quite an art form and ritual, and the thought process is pleasently twisted and inanely structured. The instructions are found below:

1. The Watermelon to be used must be bought on a Wednesday during one of the "3" hours (3am or 3pm)
   
2. It is to be washed the same day during one of the "9" hours
   
3. It is to be sliced into three parts (does not matter which ways) on one of the "1" hours
   
4. Visible seeds should be removed for maximum impact effect
   
5. Each tri-section of the Watermelon is to be defenestrated (thrown out of a window) from a different window, only on the east side of a building, all three on the same day, or one piece each day over three days, never two pieces in one day
   
6. The floor from which the Watermelon tri-section is to be thrown from should correspond to the hour of the day it is to be defenestrated
7. When the defenestration is to be carried out, one's dominant hand must embrace the underside of the tri-section, and in one swift movement, bring the hand to the top [one-handedly], and hurl the slice to the earth
8. This final culmination and completion should provide as an interesting stress-reliever
   

Additional Rules

• One should wait a period of 27 days before another Watermelon is to be bought and/or defenestrated
  
• There is no specific rule stating the number of times Watermelons may be defenestrated from a single window over a period of years, but it is recommended that it not exceed three times per year
  
• It is considered bad luck for a member of the defenestration party to be on the same level as the Watermelon is to be smashed upon, as well as to take a photo of the post-defenestrated Watermelon
  
• It is suggested that the Watermelon be defenestrated onto a ground level, and that, no matter where one is (city, suburbs, etc.), the floors to be counted vertically to correspond to the time of day should be counted from earthen level
  
• The traditional defenestration party consists of three individuals, one for each tri-section, and for each one person is designated to defenestrate his or her slice
  
• It is considered good luck to sprinkle sea salt over each tri-section by the section's defenestrator
  
• These rules are particular to the Art of the Defenestration of the Watermelon and no other fruit, for which there are other varying instructions, rituals, rules, and variations, and it is not to be assumed that any apply universally, although that may be the case

- Zaevodnik reserves all rights to "The Art of the Defenestration of Watermelons", its ideologies, instructions, variations, original idea, etcetera.